Do not let them sugar-shame you!
Money = Feelings.
Why do we let our emotions get mixed up in money matters?
As a woman who knows what she wants and that WANT is having someone financially provide you with moola.
But why do we have such a hard time with it? I think it’s because we haven’t been taught that we’re valuable and that it’s ok to put a price tag on that.
We all know that no matter how worried, scared, or excited we’re feeling, 2+2 always equals 4.
But when it comes to asking for what you want (especially money) 2+2 equals feelings.
Because, as it turns out, asking is in the sugar psych department.
Since asking for money (what we want, well most of us, ok…all of us because MONEY pays for things) is such an emotionally charged subject, it can be hard to talk about.
What really irks my nerves is that people make asking for what we want seem like a bad thing.
We’re shamed for asking for what we want…asking for money, for thinking about it, and for daring to ask for something that we want money for, in exchange for our time.
There’s this unspoken code of conduct that comes with being a Sugar Baby, it seems that you are supposed to be who he wants you to be and he will decide to give you what he wants you to have.
We’ve been led to believe that the only way it works is to find a Sugar Daddy on a Sugar Daddy dating site. And trust that we will find generous men that will give us what we want.
When we step into this lifestyle we don’t know how to go about asking for what we want—which is probably why it feels so unnatural to ASK because we haven’t done it.
And the moment you ASK, and dare ask for more, for your value, for your worth…it makes them…angry.
She’s a gold digger, they say.
She’s got some nerve.
I’m not looking for this to be transactional, they say.
I’m not looking to pay you for your time, I can find my local escort.
Which, by the way, is the exact thing most women are TERRIFIED other people are thinking of them.
It paralyzes Sugars, that fear: that another person might think that she’s a gold digger (NOT GOAL digger).
It means we’re “too much.”
It means we’re greedy and self-seeking.
And that maybe other people are right about us.
That we have no business placing a value on our time, or asking for what we want, or for (GASP!!) thinking we are worth it.
This happens to all of us.
Even I receive emails trying to sugar-shame me for offering paid services I invested significant time and love into. And other WOMEN were sugar-shaming me.
I believe the phrase used was “I’m offended.” Apparently, since I had already gotten a Sugar Daddy and was even left something in his will, I shouldn’t be asking for more. That was enough, wasn’t it? How dare I? I should be of service to them for FREE.
I’ll tell you how I dare: Because neither you, nor I, nor any woman, should EVER apologize for VALUING ourselves, and wanting to receive as much value from the world as you can.
Because we’re not going to apologize for wanting what we want anymore.
Because we’re not going to apologize for receiving anything.
Because you know when it’s “enough?”
When you feel like you are living your best life.
That’s when it’s enough.
Until then, it is not enough and no one else gets to decide that for you.
No one else gets to tell you how much you deserve.
Because here’s what people neglect to consider about leveraging our relationships.
In order to get what we want we need the cooperation of the other person. And something is worth what someone is willing to give.
The good news is this: for every person who sugar-shames you …even in the quietest of ways, through so much as a glance—there are people out there who will than you with their generosity and show you how much you make them FEEL.
Which is all to say: do not settle and do not play small because someone else is uncomfortable. Their issue is not your problem.
Generosity isn’t rationed, and neither are our wants.
Own your worth!
