Lesson #1 – You have absolutely no idea how shit will turn out
At this time last year, I revamped my old, site. I changed my membership site into a full fledge Sugar Baby eCourse, I was in California sky-diving for the first time, and finished writing my 6th book, started a publishing company, and I hadn’t even started my web videos yet.
And now? It’s 12 months later and my site has been updated with a new look, my Sugar Baby eCourse has created Virtual Sugar Baby Workshops. I have been doing more 1-on-1 coaching, and working on case studies. “The Sugar Daddy Formula” has gone from being just a few hundred readers to thousands of subscribers, and to top things off I’m doing a live coaching/radio segment. Grateful/terrified/ecstatic doesn’t even begin to cover it, and I never saw any of it coming.
Transitioning from where I was last year to where I am now was equal parts glorious and heartbreaking. So many things didn’t go according to plan – because, as Mike Tyson says, “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face.” But, honestly, sometimes getting punched in the face and thrown off course is the best thing that can happen to you, because it leads you somewhere so much better. Somewhere you never would have reached on your own.
Lesson #2 – One small habit change is all it takes to start changing your entire life
Every year since I first learned about New Year’s Resolutions, I’ve made some sort of promise to myself to “be healthier.” Guess what? That’s too fucking vague. You want to be healthier? So do I. So does everyone. But – and here’s the most important question you could possibly ask yourself – what one thing are you willing to start experimenting with in the next 24-hours to make it happen?
Don’t tell me about your grand long-term plans. Seriously, show me a ridiculously detailed plan and I’ll show you that good ‘ol Sugar Punch in the face. Screw the grandiose declarations about how you’re “going to get X allowance” and how by labeling yourself a Sugar Baby your potential Sugar Daddy will provide it by signing up to dating sites and finding your perfect Sugar Daddy. That’s all such crap, and you know it. So, why not let yourself off the hook for even thinking you’re going to get any of that shit? I’m serious – let those plans/ideas go, and let’s get real. You want a Sugar Daddy? Ok, what one thing are you willing to start experimenting with in the next 24-hours to make it happen?
If you don’t know where to start, I have two favorites: 1) Perfecting your Sugar Baby story (Why would a Sugar Daddy want to date you? and 2) Crafting an irresistible Sugar Baby Profile Ad. Think that sounds too small? Believe me, one small habit is all it takes to start stockpiling little victories that will snowball into the lifestyle you want to live.
Lesson #3 – You need a support system
Trying to do everything all alone is exhausting. What’s more, it doesn’t work. Do you want to live this lifestyle? Join a Sugar Baby Support Group. Do you keep this lifestyle a secret? Join a Sugar Baby Group that gives you an insane amount of support.
No matter what your specific goals are, I promise you that there are other people out there who want to pursue the same exact things. Your job is to find them. Reach out. Be vulnerable. Band together and lean on each other and celebrate out loud – because if there’s one thing I’ve learned this year, it’s that the most important thing is to find your people, open up, and just go from there.
Lesson #4 – An impossible thing is only “impossible” until you do it
I didn’t think I could write a book until I did it, and I have six books and working on my seventh. I didn’t think I was brave enough to show my face and put myself out there for the world to see, until I did it. What’s your “impossible” thing? Stop telling yourself that it’s impossible. Seriously, the stories we tell ourselves (about ourselves) create our entire reality. Change your story and do the impossible thing: No you are not too old to be a Sugar Baby, you can be a woman of color and be a Sugar Baby, and you don’t have to be a super model to be a Sugar Baby.
Lesson #5 – You have to take charge of your mental and emotional health
This year, I told my father what I have been doing with my life. I recall the conversation. I told him how I have been living my life. I told him about The Sugar Daddy Formula, and that I wrote books and coach other women within the lifestyle. He asked me why tell him now? I told him I wanted him to know his daughter. It has always been a struggle with letting anyone know this part of my life both personal and business. I was comfortable playing Will Smith in the movie HITCH.
In short: your mental/emotional health is one of the most important things you have, and if you need help, get help. Nobody likes talking about being a Sugar Baby. We feel as though it’s a dirty little secret. The media puts a bad stigma on this lifestyle. And we stay hidden, and we don’t talk about it. Don’t navigate this lifestyle alone. You don’t have to. Needing help doesn’t make you weak. Not everyone is going to understand your choices.
It’s okay. Nothing is more empowering than stepping up and asking for what you need to help get you to the next level. If you want 1-on-1. I’m here to help, and if I can’t help you I will find someone who can>>I’m helpful like that.
Lesson #6 – You are the keeper of your time, money, and (so be choosy about how you spend them)
Listen, here’s the truth: If you want great things, you have to be willing to let go of the good things.
It’s easy to walk away from something awful in pursuit of something good, but it’s almost impossible to walk away from something good to go after something great. And yet, doing exactly that will make all the difference in your life.
This year, for me, that meant leaving the comfort of my shell in order to pursue the future of The Sugar Daddy Formula – even though I had zero idea of how I was going to do that at the time.
In the end, it’s up to each of us to decide how we truly want to spend our time, money, energy, and creativity. And constantly striving for “more” because nothing is ever “enough” isn’t what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about when you know in your heart that you’re playing it small because you’re afraid to go bigger. I’m talking about when you’re desperately holding onto something or someone, even when that thing no longer serves you, because at least it’s familiar.
But – and here’s my main point – 2014 can be whatever the fuck you want it to be. Ask yourself: What did I learn this year? What am I choosing to bring forward into 2014, and what am I intentionally leaving behind? Seriously, take what’s working for you and ditch what’s not.
And the first step to doing that? Is simply to acknowledge it.
So, tell me, in the comments, one lesson you learned this year, as well as one thing you’re purposefully leaving behind as you move from “good” to “great” so you can make 2014 your best year ever.